anywhere but here

all i want to do is go outside and play. the one thing i have been looking forward to doing all god damn year i can't now. i'm going to be stuck on the fucking internet for at least a month, or until i can get down get set of fucking stairs without being in excruciating pain, and god knows when thats going to be. if i was able to at least go outside and do things, even if i was in a wheelchair, i'd be so happy with that. but i can't, i'm fucking stuck here.

i'm going to have to read about all the fun things my friends are doing this summer, and i'll be stuck in a fucking bed, or recliner, or a wheelchair. i can't even go to the bathroom without having someone help me for christs sake. this fucking sucks. this really, really fucking sucks. and as nice as it is when people come visit me, it just isn't the same. i can't hug them, i can't get up and get them things, i feel like i'm boring them.

my whole day revolves around what the fuck is on tv and when i take a pain pill. i have to have someone sit in the bathroom with me when i shower. i can't do anything without someone helping me. i can only think of one other time i've been this sad before, and at least then i could've gone outside to get some sunshine and cheer myself up. i've had nothing but stress all semester, and now i'm going to have a summer filled with stress. i hate this, i fucking hate this.

everytime anyone complains to me about anything all i want to say to them is "well, at least you can fucking walk".