MORE RPATTZ ADVENTURES.

SORRY
JUST DID A LINE

NOW ITS KICKIN' IN

MY COCK IS THIS BIG

YOU THINK I'M KIDDING?

OKOK ITS MORE LIKE THIS

DID YOU SAY POT?



BECAUSE I THINK YOU SAID POT



OH
YOU SAID POTTER



WHY WOULD YOU FUCK WITH ME LIKE THAT?



YOU KNOW I LOVE TO GET HIGH



SHIIIIT

thank god for jamie and leaving me this comment on myspace.

OH LOLA, WHY WEREN'T YOU ONLINE LAST NIGHT

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD DO THAT TO ME.


I WAS SO CONFUSED...

I TRIED TO RING YOU

I LOOKED FOR YOU

I CALLED FOR YOU


BUT THERE WAS NOTHING

BUT THEN I LOOKED OVER TO MY LEFT

AND SAW SOME POT

I WAS SO EXCITED

SO I ROLLED A JOINT


IT WAS ABOUT THIS BIG

YOU THINK IM KIDDING

BECAUSE I SMOKED THE WHOLE THING...

AND NOW I'M STONED FOR LIFE

you're still all that matters to me

keeping my head up as high as possible, but some days its just too much weight to carry.

so when i sat behind the drumset, your heartbeat is what i tried to play

i have more faith in love than anything else.
if i have faith, then it will come to me. it's happened before, and it will happen again.
but the next time it will be so much stronger, because i have more faith than i had before.
maybe a little more hurt than before, but so much more faith.
i have to have faith that it will come to me, because its what i want more than anything else.
if any of that makes sense.

here are some pictures

i will never make another promise

seeing the name of your town hit me like i never thought possible.
driving past your street was just as hard as letting you go a year ago.
i just want to know when its going to stop hurting, when i can finally let go.
it feels like it may never happen, but i'll keep praying for the strength to forget you every single day like i have been.

anytime is better than now

out of nowhere.
well, this fucking hurts.
worst time for this to happen,
when i need you the fucking most.

the dark knight

if you don't see this movie, you're a fucking fool, whether you are a batman fan or not, this movie is simply perfect.

two sides twist and then collide

slow but steady my summer is coming back. i'm able to go out and do things every once and a while, its nice. here are some pictures.

i asked for love, i asked for patience, i asked for mercy, but you're already all of these things

tomorrow is my first day of outpatient threapy and i am exciteddd. hoping all goes well, now every week i can add another 10% of weight onto the leg. hoping i can go to warped tour this year, because it would suck if i couldn't.


my mom took me to albany to go shopping and i got a sick new phone, that little pretty on the right. i already downloaded so many new ringtones for it, and it takes awesome pictures and videos and shit. so siked on it. i've never had a cool phone before. everyone get textual with me, because it has a sweet keypad that i love using :) i also got three pairs of acid wash stretch jean, two in gray and one in a teal color, mmm love them.



also, cannot wait for dark knight. 23 days. going to the imax with a few people (including love of my life janine and this new babe i've been talking to, who has a spanish accent, mmm) at the midnight showing. i've been waiting 3 years for this movie, so i am so fucking exciteddd


i also got busy today and made some drawings on illustrator, here they are

me and the love of my life, janine, if we were mermaids

oh and paramore, duh

a sense of heat that i couldn't bare to touch

i don't want to get my hope up, but this could be good. lets hope. eeeeee

can't say i'm sad to see you go

aaah i hate how i can't fall asleep at night, but i love how TBS shows the best movies. i also cannot stop listening to alkaline trio tonight. jeeeez.

also, let me know how you like the new layout. its not so much a layout change, just color and background. but i like it.

i am guilty of this, you should know this

my heart hurts. i hate the way i can feel my throat closing up when i try to hold back tears. i hate that i'm actually feeling pains in my chest. i thought all this was over. i want it all to be over.

please don't get me wrong

seeing sex and the city tonight wasn't the best idea. tomorrow is the day i have not been looking forward to since september. my mom is going to take me out to do things so my mind stays clear, or just focused on something else. i haven't been sad over this in months, and now all of a sudden this one day is throwing me off. what the fuck.

i made this yesterday, yeahp.

happy birthday to me

too tired to really update right now, but had an amazing birthday and had a surprise party thrown for me today, i love my friends and my mom.

and brandon gave me this for my birthday


easily the best gift ever.

late dawns and early sunsets

the past few days have been good, saturday jackee and eileen came to see me and stayed for a few hours, and that was really nice. we watched the fugitive and talked about how harrison ford can really do anything. then yesterday janine and matt basically spent the entire day with me, and jacci stopped by too. it was really nice to talk to her, because she went through the same thing as me, so she knows exactly what i'm going through. we watched a few movies, and went out on the patio and watched all the animals outside. it was fun. and tomorrow molly and ace are coming over with the babyyy, i cannot wait to see the beautiful bundle of joy for the first time.

seeing all those people made me feel a lot better. i'm also starting to do a lot of things on my own, and i'm now able to lift my leg on my own. its crazy the amount of progress i've made. i can even get up and go to the bathroom on my own if the walker is in reach haha. i've even managed to kind of sleep on my side, which is also wonderful.

for the past three days i haven't been able to stop listening to lights, i love it. its so cute and makes me feel good. i can't find the other songs she has besides the ones on her EP, and the only way i could get those is from ripping them from youtube videos haha. butt since the girl is so cute, i made a graphic of her. sorry i didn't post any for the past two days, i had people over durning the time i usually make them haha

view full size please!

and when all security fails, will you be there to help me through?

i hate nights when my mom is working because i always cry, because i don't want to cry in front of her or my grandparents, and i don't even want to cry in general, but i can't even help it because i've never been this sad in my entire life. i feel like everything is falling apart and there is nothing i can do about it. i thought i'd be able to at least get out and see the sex and the city movie this weekend, but i can't even do that. i have nothing to look forward to during the day. i wake up and sit, or lay, and watch tv. its fucking miserable. the most i can go outside is on the small balcony my grandparents have and watch birds and squirrels. that is the highlight of my day. watching squirrels eat bread. thrilling.

the feeling of having nothing outside of this apartment is the worst, and feeling like i'm loosing my friends because i can't do anything, or i'm asleep when someone calls me. half the time when i talk to people i'm in such a shitty mood i just don't care what i say to them. i'm unintentionally pushing people away during the time when i need people encouraging the most, and i don't know what to fucking do. i wish i had one person who understands what i'm going through, or more people just understood how discouraging this whole situation really is. i hate that i write so much about how shitty this is, and i'm not looking for sympathy, it just helps to get it out there because i feel like i can't really talk to anyone about it.

i've also never felt this unattractive in my entire life. i know that i have no one to really impress or look nice for, i just hate looking in the mirrow. i can't shave anything, or pluck my eyebrows, or do anything that can cause a tiny amount of bleeding because i'm on blood thinners and i'll bleed too much. my skin is so fucking dry, and no matter how much lotion i put on it does nothing. and the fucking scars on my side don't really help this feeling either.

i can't even imagine what my mom is going through either. she has been taking care of me 24/7, unless she's working , and even then she calls me every few hours to make sure i'm alright. she's stressing over the apartment, what i'm going to do next semester, the cost of this whole fucking thing, and just if i'm going to be okay in general, and she still manages to keep a smile on her face and make sure that i'm okay. i have no idea what i would do without her, she is seriously the most amazing mother i could ever ask for. she puts me before everything else in her life, and makes sure that everything is going to be the best it could possibly be for me. i don't know how she does it. she's fucking incredible.

i'm just going to be waiting in limbo until the 18th and know what the hell is going on, the fact that there is a chance i would have to get bone graphs scares the fucking shit out of me. i can't imagine having to go through this again. like, how do they even do bone graphs? guh, just the thought fucking scares me. just thinking about being in the hospital again scares me, thats why i just want to be as healthy as possible after this is all over, because i never want to go through that again.

i'm such a fucking bummer.

also, watching old live videos of mcr fucking bums me out as well, because they'll never play those songs again, let alone a small venue with old fans. shitty.

its been so long

mmm, tomorrow jamie and lou are coming, and jackee and her mom are coming as well. i'm so excited. there isn't a lot we can really do because i can't leave the house, but hopefully we'll have fun anywayyy. and i will be reunited with my kitten and my camera which i am also very excited about.

i'm getting my haircut soon, and i don't know if i want to do something extreme, or just style it differently but keep the same length and stuff. i'm most likely just going to bring in a picture of hayley williams and ask them to do that har har. i just don't know how i want it cut.

i'm thinking i like this cut the best



its basically what i have now, just shorter bangs and more layers. mmm. i think i want to dye it too, i think something with a little blonde thrown in somewhere, but who knows, i'll look at some hair photobuckets tonight and see if i find anything good.

so here is my picture for the day, its of me and andrea. mmm.

put me out there

mmm promote plz



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